I live in a dorm on my college campus with my roommate. It’s a rare occasion for there not to be someone in the room, and even rarer that it’s only us. Normally there’s a friend from down the hall or someone from upstairs. Nearly all of our friends are mutual, which makes having them over rather simple. We really only have one gal over who’s a regular at our room, and when it’s only her, my roommate, and I, we have “girl talk.”

Girl talk is less about the genders involved in the chat and more about the content. It’s sharing the social drama, but we tend to stay away from the negative stuff and keep it focused on positive interactions between people in our group.

When it’s only the two gals and I, it’s not uncommon for us to talk about the men that aren’t in the room. If someone is pursuing a relationship, that is going to gain a lot of chatter. Sometimes it’s just one or two of us venting our frustrations, as we do. However, there is almost always one phrase that comes up:

“Men/boys are stupid.”

This is nearly never meant in the intellectual sense, even if that may be the first thing your mind jumps to when you hear the word. In context, it’s always surrounded by emotions. Someone’s feelings were hurt, someone didn’t pick up on something, someone is acting weird. The intent is to display the frustration about the men we hang around not being very emotionally aware or empathetic.

This is rather unfair of us. We, as women, are most often raised by our mothers, who were in turn raised by theirs. Although some empathy is natural, much of it is learned, and it is this knowledge that is passed down. Men aren’t raised in such a fashion. Society and the adult men around them tell them they must be strong, emotionally and physically. Why deal with emotions when you can power through them?

So why is there fault that they don’t pick up on what we’re feeling? Why is it their fault that they don’t understand? You wouldn’t expect someone from Asia to immediately know and understand the English language and American customs just by being around Americans.

However, just because you are raised a certain way doesn’t mean that that’s how you have to stay. Be aware of yourself and if you begin to realize that maybe there are some emotional things you aren’t picking up on or that there have been multiple occasions of arguments due to being emotionally unaware, be willing to try at least a little to understand. Talk with people a little more to help understand what they’re feeling. You don’t have to be perfect or meet people’s standards entirely, just be willing to take a step or two in the right direction.

And for those who are emotionally aware but are frustrated with those who aren’t, don’t expect that everyone is going to be as emotionally aware as you. Be a little more straightforward if something doesn’t seem to be coming across. Know that they’re learning while you’re learning and there is bound to be some roughness in between.

Society has has us raise the binary genders very differently, and that is something we should all be aware of. Don’t hesitate to work together with others to create a better understanding of other people in the world. It’s amazing what flowers bloom when you water it properly.